The other day I'm cruising down the highway listening to the "Frozen" soundtrack (don't judge, just let it go) when I run over something hard and metallic, which, of course, blew out one of my front tires. This was not the first time this has happened since moving to Oklahoma, so my level of frustration was higher than it probably should have been as I maneuvered my poor car off the highway and over to the shoulder.
After reassuring my three-year-old son who was in the backseat that we were okay and answering "yes" multiple times to the question, "Daddy broke a tire?" I had just begun the process of unpacking all the needed items to change out said tire when an old, beat-up minivan pulls up behind me. "Great," I thought, "This is how most horror movies begin."
I needn't have been concerned, however, because out of that van stepped an older gentleman who simply needed to know if I needed any help with the car. After thanking this Good Samaritan and telling him that I thought I could handle it, we got to talking for a few minutes. Seeing as how I was rather preoccupied with the task at hand, this man did most of the questioning. "Are you from around here?" (Yes) While pointing to my son in the back seat, "Is this your only child?" (No) And then, seemingly out of the blue, this question came to me, "Are you a Christian?" After recovering quickly at the surprise of this inquiry, I told him yes and that my wife and I were in fact, both ordained pastors. He smiled, nodded and then replied, "Well, I'm glad I stopped." Just like that, he then got back into his van and drove away. It was an awkward end to an otherwise (given the circumstances) pleasant exchange.
In the days since that event, I have been thinking more about that man and about that conversation and namely his desire to know if I proclaimed myself as a follower of Jesus. As I recounted that experience in my mind and to my wife, my mind started to ask questions. What would his response been had I answered otherwise? Would the same offer to help had been extended (or rescinded) if I had professed allegiance to another faith (or no faith at all)? Was there an intention present all along to evangelize a young(ish) broken down traveler? The truth of the matter is, I have no idea and will never have a way of knowing. All I know for sure is that I am grateful for his willingness to stop and help, and now as I continue to think back on that exchange there on the side of the highway, I realize why the ending of that conversation seems so perplexing to me;
I never would have thought to inquire about the religious beliefs of a person I had just met.
As I came to that understanding, I also realized that I cannot remember the last time (if ever) I have actually inquired about anyone's religious affiliation, regardless of the circumstances. As a pastor, this feels strange to acknowledge, but I believe it is, in fact, true. In my ten-plus years of pastoral ministry, I do not think the words, "Are you a Christian" have ever passed through my lips. To be honest, I do not know if I've ever asked anyone if they even WANT to be a Christian. Once this light dawned on me, I thought to myself, "I might be the world's worst evangelist."
If this is true, I accept that title. To be fair, I come by my evangelistic inadequacies honestly. As a life-long member of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) I am part of a tradition that tends to shy away from that sort of on-the-spot questioning. As a tried and true introvert, I tend to prefer to be left to my own devices and generally assume that most others do as well. Who are you to question me? Who am I to question you? Finally, and this perhaps is the biggest influence into my lacking desire to be considered an "evangelist," I have rarely seen evangelism, at least in it's traditional, culturally accepted form, done well.
I have memories of being in seminary and having people hand out tracts in downtown Ft. Worth and telling me that my seminary education made me LESS of a Christian, I can remember people walking around with giant crosses slung over their shoulder, yelling at me to "repent" (again in Ft. Worth), and here in Oklahoma City there is a giant billboard on the side of one of our highways asking us the question, "If you die tonight: Heaven or Hell?" A week or two ago I found a Bible tract strategically placed on the toilet paper dispenser at Starbucks (really?). Even on a more personal level, there have been plenty of times when, in the midst of the conversations with other Christians, the topic of religious beliefs came up, the message I have gotten over and over is that if I don't adhere to their particular flavor of Christianity, then I AM in fact, less of a Christian.
So as I think about how I may in fact hold the title for "World's Worst Evangelist," I realize that if I am being judged against some of the methods I just described, than I am perfectly okay with that title. Because, you know what? None of the above methods even come close to describing the path that I followed to get to a place in my life where I proclaim myself as a follower of Jesus. Never after hearing someone yell at me to "repent" have I been moved into a different direction, never after seeing a billboard or hearing a talking head on television talk to me about buying into their brand of "fire insurance" have I felt myself drawn closer to Jesus, and there isn't a pamphlet or tract that has ever (or ever will be) printed that will cause my spirit to connect with the Spirit of the Divine.
As a matter of fact, as I think about my own faith journey, I do not have the slightest clue who it was who first told me about Jesus. Honestly, I have no idea who it was who "evangelized" me. It might have been a minister, it might have been my parents or grandparents, I don't know. I do not have any recollection of my "salvation" moment or the time I "asked Jesus into my heart." What I do know is that I have a very clear memory of all those throughout my life who have walked with me, shown me what it means to live like Jesus, and inspired me to go and do likewise.
To me, this is what evangelism is anyway. Evangelism cannot be and thankfully is not "peddling" Jesus like we would vacuum cleaners or carpet cleaning services. It is in fact, seeking to embody the life and lifestyle of Jesus. It's doing our best to live in the manner he did and inspiring those around us to attempt to do likewise. Throughout the course of his ministry, Jesus never asked the question, "Are you a Jew?" or told those of a different belief system to change their understanding before he would join them on the journey. It did not matter if the one whom Jesus encountered was a Jew, a Samaritan, or even a Roman, He loved and served unconditionally, with grace, humility, compassion, and perhaps most importantly, respect.
The way of Jesus does not translate well to a billboard or a tract, but that's okay, it was never meant to. It won't sell many books or promote too many political campaigns (but imagine if it did). The way of Jesus is meant to be embodied in and among all God's beautiful creation. I am thankful to all those who have come into my life who have shown me The Way, not through words, but through a listening ear, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, and the demonstrated desire to walk with me on this journey.
This is the kind of evangelism in which I desire to engage. And come to think of it, I'm not all that great at this kind, either. But walking with, loving, respecting, and listening to my fellow human beings sounds like something I'd much prefer to continue to improve.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
What If There Was A Different Way?
A new study has been released that offers new insight into the sleep habits of American teenagers. Brace yourself, this may shock you. They don't sleep enough. New research is out that gives as a fairly in-depth peek into the sleep habits of our students.
In this latest report, we are told, once again, that almost all of America's teens do not come anywhere close to getting the recommended nine to ten hours of sleep per night. According to this study it is far more likely that a typical American teenager will get closer to five hours/night rather than the highly recommended nine or ten. If my math is correct (which is no guarantee) that would mean that, assuming that most have to awake sometime between five and six o clock in order to get to school on time, on average, our students are finally drifting off to dreamland well after midnight and perhaps as late/early as one or two o clock in the morning.
While the statistics are interesting, they, for anyone who either has, was, or works with middle school and high school students, are not the least bit surprising, nor is this anything new. I remember these same conversations taking place when I was in high school and as I remember my own sleep habits as a teenager, I was certainly on the five to six hours a night side of the scale. When it comes to teenagers getting an even somewhat adequate amount of rest each day, the struggle is real. As I was reading this article, I found myself thinking about a conversations that I have had over the years with students, and I remember thinking, as they detailed to me how much homework and how many hours of extracurricular activities they had each day, "Gosh, when do you sleep?" And as it turned out, they really didn't. Of course, the causes for the sleep deprivation that exists among our students has been well documented and debated. It seems that everyone has their own opinion about what needs to change in order for some semblance of balance is restored. It's either school start times, the amount of homework that is assigned each day, the amount of hours required by band, choir, theater, and athletics, after (or before) school jobs, or maybe it is in fact the increased prevalence of technology in the bedroom of our teenagers.
The truth, of course, is somewhere in the middle. It is a combination of these factors in addition to a variety of other variables that contributes to the seemingly constant sleepiness of our students. No matter which way we slice it, teenagers are busy. From the moment they wake to the moment they (eventually) go to sleep, they bounce from activity to activity and obligation to obligation. It hardly seems that for many, there is even enough time left in the day to eat, let alone rest. So what place does the Church, and it's ministry to her students, have in the already jam packed lives of those same students that we have been called to serve?
On average, youth ministers and volunteer leaders get somewhere between three to six hours a week of "programmed" time with their students. Currently, at the church I serve I am blessed to have about four hours a week set aside for our youth ministry program. There is a temptation in those precious few hours we have to share together to pack as much in as we possibly can. This, of course,is the continuing trend in our culture, and thus, in our attempt to "stay relevant," this is the continuing trend in youth ministry. It seems only reasonable, after all, if we only have four hours a week to "bring kids to Jesus," then we better pack it all in, right? The temptation is there for us to bounce from music to games, to Bible studies in quick succession, feeling like time (and attention spans) is at a premium.
This is an approach to ministry that I do not understand, and one that seems completely counter intuitive as we consider the already over programmed and exhausting lives so many of our students already lead. Why does the Church, the place where all (students and adults alike) have traditionally come to seeking sanctuary and rest, have to resemble each and every other moment of our chaotic lives? The short answer is, it does not. Lest we forget that we come to Church on the Sabbath, the Holy day of rest. Youth, how often do you leave your places of worship just as exhausted as you would leave your schools, rehearsal halls, or playing fields? Adults, do you ever come to church just as (if not more) concerned about what you are responsible for that day as if you were headed off to work? If you answered "yes" to these questions than that means we, as ministers, are doing you a disservice and that our congregations have lost sight of our original charge: to be a place of safe haven where a meeting between the Creator and Creation can be facilitated.
What if there was a different way? What if there was a way of ministry that was not so much focused on "what we are going to do," but instead was focused on "how we are going to be?" What if we were able to create safe, sacred space within the midst of our fundraisers, Bible studies, mission projects, and trips to the bowling alley, for rest, for silence, for intentional prayer, and for unstructured conversation that allows faith, life, and relationships to intersect in altogether beautiful and unexpected ways? What if "Youth Group" (or whatever fancy name you have for your program) could once again be a place where we no longer hear how tired our students are, because we are giving them the space to rest and recover in the way that the need that night? What if, in short, our ministries became far less about program, and far more about presence?
In this latest report, we are told, once again, that almost all of America's teens do not come anywhere close to getting the recommended nine to ten hours of sleep per night. According to this study it is far more likely that a typical American teenager will get closer to five hours/night rather than the highly recommended nine or ten. If my math is correct (which is no guarantee) that would mean that, assuming that most have to awake sometime between five and six o clock in order to get to school on time, on average, our students are finally drifting off to dreamland well after midnight and perhaps as late/early as one or two o clock in the morning.
While the statistics are interesting, they, for anyone who either has, was, or works with middle school and high school students, are not the least bit surprising, nor is this anything new. I remember these same conversations taking place when I was in high school and as I remember my own sleep habits as a teenager, I was certainly on the five to six hours a night side of the scale. When it comes to teenagers getting an even somewhat adequate amount of rest each day, the struggle is real. As I was reading this article, I found myself thinking about a conversations that I have had over the years with students, and I remember thinking, as they detailed to me how much homework and how many hours of extracurricular activities they had each day, "Gosh, when do you sleep?" And as it turned out, they really didn't. Of course, the causes for the sleep deprivation that exists among our students has been well documented and debated. It seems that everyone has their own opinion about what needs to change in order for some semblance of balance is restored. It's either school start times, the amount of homework that is assigned each day, the amount of hours required by band, choir, theater, and athletics, after (or before) school jobs, or maybe it is in fact the increased prevalence of technology in the bedroom of our teenagers.
The truth, of course, is somewhere in the middle. It is a combination of these factors in addition to a variety of other variables that contributes to the seemingly constant sleepiness of our students. No matter which way we slice it, teenagers are busy. From the moment they wake to the moment they (eventually) go to sleep, they bounce from activity to activity and obligation to obligation. It hardly seems that for many, there is even enough time left in the day to eat, let alone rest. So what place does the Church, and it's ministry to her students, have in the already jam packed lives of those same students that we have been called to serve?
On average, youth ministers and volunteer leaders get somewhere between three to six hours a week of "programmed" time with their students. Currently, at the church I serve I am blessed to have about four hours a week set aside for our youth ministry program. There is a temptation in those precious few hours we have to share together to pack as much in as we possibly can. This, of course,is the continuing trend in our culture, and thus, in our attempt to "stay relevant," this is the continuing trend in youth ministry. It seems only reasonable, after all, if we only have four hours a week to "bring kids to Jesus," then we better pack it all in, right? The temptation is there for us to bounce from music to games, to Bible studies in quick succession, feeling like time (and attention spans) is at a premium.
This is an approach to ministry that I do not understand, and one that seems completely counter intuitive as we consider the already over programmed and exhausting lives so many of our students already lead. Why does the Church, the place where all (students and adults alike) have traditionally come to seeking sanctuary and rest, have to resemble each and every other moment of our chaotic lives? The short answer is, it does not. Lest we forget that we come to Church on the Sabbath, the Holy day of rest. Youth, how often do you leave your places of worship just as exhausted as you would leave your schools, rehearsal halls, or playing fields? Adults, do you ever come to church just as (if not more) concerned about what you are responsible for that day as if you were headed off to work? If you answered "yes" to these questions than that means we, as ministers, are doing you a disservice and that our congregations have lost sight of our original charge: to be a place of safe haven where a meeting between the Creator and Creation can be facilitated.
What if there was a different way? What if there was a way of ministry that was not so much focused on "what we are going to do," but instead was focused on "how we are going to be?" What if we were able to create safe, sacred space within the midst of our fundraisers, Bible studies, mission projects, and trips to the bowling alley, for rest, for silence, for intentional prayer, and for unstructured conversation that allows faith, life, and relationships to intersect in altogether beautiful and unexpected ways? What if "Youth Group" (or whatever fancy name you have for your program) could once again be a place where we no longer hear how tired our students are, because we are giving them the space to rest and recover in the way that the need that night? What if, in short, our ministries became far less about program, and far more about presence?
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Top Ten Lessons life as a Youth Minister has taught me
After a five year foray into the world of senior/solo ministry, I have returned to my first love of youth ministry. As I have been settling back in, I have been reflecting on what I have learned since coming to Oklahoma and what I have had reaffirmed to me after this five year break. While not an exhaustive list, here's my "top ten":
1. The world of Social Media is a strange and confusing place
Ten years ago, Facebook was just becoming a thing. Now, there is a new platform coming online almost daily. These new communication platforms provide a wonderful space for sharing, but they can also be perplexing, and perhaps even a little frightening for those of us who are still learning how to navigate them.
2. Lock-Ins are the very Best and the very Worst idea in Youth Ministry.
Pro Tip: Make bedtime mandatory, and make sure you either bring an air mattress or snag a couch
3. Teenagers are not (and don't want to be) the FUTURE of the Church.
Perhaps the greatest lie we have ever told our kids (and ourselves) is that they are the "future." When we use that language, what we are actually saying is, "wait your turn." Meanwhile, teenagers are longing to make a difference NOW, and to know they have a voice NOW. If we don't provide them the opportunity to get involved and make an impact today, they will find (and are finding) another organization who will.
4. There is nothing more sacred than unplanned, spontaneous conversation.
Ministry, like life, is meant to be organic. Teenagers know when we are trying to force the conversation or attempting to solicit certain answers/questions out of them. When things are forced, it creates an awkward situation for adult and teen alike. Sacred conversation happens when we allow shared time to flow naturally, at its own pace. This is true in a ministry setting, and it is true in our own homes.
5. When it comes to "program," less is most certainly more.
It seems like every moment of our teens lives are programmed for them. From the moment they wake to the moment they (finally) go to sleep, they bounce from one scheduled activity to the next. How many of us have had our teens say, "I'm tired," as they lay on the couch in the youth room, not wanting to participate in our tediously planned night of ministry? The last thing our youth need when they come to church is more "programming." What would it be like if we moved away from program, and focused much more on prayer, presence, and the building of relationships between one another and with the One who brought us together?
6. Teenagers are still woefully understood (and they know it).
Our youth are crazy, unpredictable, complicated humans. They ask questions that do not have answers, do things that defy all rational comprehension, lash out in anger and frustration one moment and then immediately turn around and cling to us like they need us more than anything. It can be so difficult for us as parents and youth leaders to understand why they do the things that they do. Sometimes we even ask, "Why?" Here's the thing, just as we don't understand them, they don't really understand themselves. Just as confusing as the body, mind, and spirit of a teenager is to us, we need to recognize that it is even more so to them. We do our teens or ourselves no justice by expressing the frustration that comes from our confusion to them.
7. Teenagers want to learn, but they do not necessarily want to be "taught."
Gone are the days where our youth willingly defer to the "experts" and passively absorb information that is given to them. This can be frustrating for us in ministry because our ministry models are still built upon the premise that the "expert" (minister or youth leader) provides the Good News and our teenagers will willingly lap it up like a dog at his water bowl. That does not mean, however, that they do not want to learn. The difference now is that they want to participate equally in the search for knowledge and Truth. Blessed is the youth ministry the provides safe space for an equal exchange of ideas and allows for cooperative exploration.
8. Safe ground is Holy ground.
The world is a beautiful place, but it is also a frightening one. Our youth come to us at Church out a variety of contexts, not all of them are the safest and most secure. No matter what we are told, our teens come to us seeking sanctuary and an hour or two where they know that they will be safe and protected. It is when our youth know that their minds, bodies, and spirits are safe from judgement, condemnation, ridicule, and pressure, that they will, over time, begin to open up and share the deepest longings and questions of their heart. We may sometimes wonder why our youth are not sharing, talking, or paying all that much attention and often it is because they are trying to figure out if this space is safe and these people around them can be trusted. Each teenager reaches their own conclusions on their own time. This process cannot be forced.
9. "Numbers" do not matter, but Growth does.
Perhaps the greatest trap to ever befall youth ministry programs is the trap of the "numbers game." We all have fallen into it. We seek to compare ourselves to other programs based on the number of youth who come to our weekly programs, how many we take on mission trips, and how many go to summer camp. Programs have been judged and youth ministers have been hired and fired based on the numbers game. But here's the deal, numbers do not matter. Jesus himself only had 12 followers. Ministry cannot and should not be judged based on how many kids we are able to cram into a room. But while numbers do not matter, growth does. Ministries should be evaluated based on how they are growing trust, relationships, community, authenticity, and the desire to serve.
10. Teenagers desire to experience the very real love of God and desperately want the Church to be the place where that experience happens.
The Church has gotten a bad rap over the years and we are often told that teens do not need or want the Church any longer. This is hogwash. The Church can be and still is the place that most of our youth associate with God. They need and want God in their lives, and they also need and want the Church. The burden is NOT on them to conform to our programs, our theology, or "the way it has always been done," but instead the burden is on US to meet our youth where they are, to provide safe space, and to help facilitate a meeting between our teenagers and with the God who created them and loves them more than they will ever know.
1. The world of Social Media is a strange and confusing place
Ten years ago, Facebook was just becoming a thing. Now, there is a new platform coming online almost daily. These new communication platforms provide a wonderful space for sharing, but they can also be perplexing, and perhaps even a little frightening for those of us who are still learning how to navigate them.
2. Lock-Ins are the very Best and the very Worst idea in Youth Ministry.
Pro Tip: Make bedtime mandatory, and make sure you either bring an air mattress or snag a couch
3. Teenagers are not (and don't want to be) the FUTURE of the Church.
Perhaps the greatest lie we have ever told our kids (and ourselves) is that they are the "future." When we use that language, what we are actually saying is, "wait your turn." Meanwhile, teenagers are longing to make a difference NOW, and to know they have a voice NOW. If we don't provide them the opportunity to get involved and make an impact today, they will find (and are finding) another organization who will.
4. There is nothing more sacred than unplanned, spontaneous conversation.
Ministry, like life, is meant to be organic. Teenagers know when we are trying to force the conversation or attempting to solicit certain answers/questions out of them. When things are forced, it creates an awkward situation for adult and teen alike. Sacred conversation happens when we allow shared time to flow naturally, at its own pace. This is true in a ministry setting, and it is true in our own homes.
5. When it comes to "program," less is most certainly more.
It seems like every moment of our teens lives are programmed for them. From the moment they wake to the moment they (finally) go to sleep, they bounce from one scheduled activity to the next. How many of us have had our teens say, "I'm tired," as they lay on the couch in the youth room, not wanting to participate in our tediously planned night of ministry? The last thing our youth need when they come to church is more "programming." What would it be like if we moved away from program, and focused much more on prayer, presence, and the building of relationships between one another and with the One who brought us together?
6. Teenagers are still woefully understood (and they know it).
Our youth are crazy, unpredictable, complicated humans. They ask questions that do not have answers, do things that defy all rational comprehension, lash out in anger and frustration one moment and then immediately turn around and cling to us like they need us more than anything. It can be so difficult for us as parents and youth leaders to understand why they do the things that they do. Sometimes we even ask, "Why?" Here's the thing, just as we don't understand them, they don't really understand themselves. Just as confusing as the body, mind, and spirit of a teenager is to us, we need to recognize that it is even more so to them. We do our teens or ourselves no justice by expressing the frustration that comes from our confusion to them.
7. Teenagers want to learn, but they do not necessarily want to be "taught."
Gone are the days where our youth willingly defer to the "experts" and passively absorb information that is given to them. This can be frustrating for us in ministry because our ministry models are still built upon the premise that the "expert" (minister or youth leader) provides the Good News and our teenagers will willingly lap it up like a dog at his water bowl. That does not mean, however, that they do not want to learn. The difference now is that they want to participate equally in the search for knowledge and Truth. Blessed is the youth ministry the provides safe space for an equal exchange of ideas and allows for cooperative exploration.
8. Safe ground is Holy ground.
The world is a beautiful place, but it is also a frightening one. Our youth come to us at Church out a variety of contexts, not all of them are the safest and most secure. No matter what we are told, our teens come to us seeking sanctuary and an hour or two where they know that they will be safe and protected. It is when our youth know that their minds, bodies, and spirits are safe from judgement, condemnation, ridicule, and pressure, that they will, over time, begin to open up and share the deepest longings and questions of their heart. We may sometimes wonder why our youth are not sharing, talking, or paying all that much attention and often it is because they are trying to figure out if this space is safe and these people around them can be trusted. Each teenager reaches their own conclusions on their own time. This process cannot be forced.
9. "Numbers" do not matter, but Growth does.
Perhaps the greatest trap to ever befall youth ministry programs is the trap of the "numbers game." We all have fallen into it. We seek to compare ourselves to other programs based on the number of youth who come to our weekly programs, how many we take on mission trips, and how many go to summer camp. Programs have been judged and youth ministers have been hired and fired based on the numbers game. But here's the deal, numbers do not matter. Jesus himself only had 12 followers. Ministry cannot and should not be judged based on how many kids we are able to cram into a room. But while numbers do not matter, growth does. Ministries should be evaluated based on how they are growing trust, relationships, community, authenticity, and the desire to serve.
10. Teenagers desire to experience the very real love of God and desperately want the Church to be the place where that experience happens.
The Church has gotten a bad rap over the years and we are often told that teens do not need or want the Church any longer. This is hogwash. The Church can be and still is the place that most of our youth associate with God. They need and want God in their lives, and they also need and want the Church. The burden is NOT on them to conform to our programs, our theology, or "the way it has always been done," but instead the burden is on US to meet our youth where they are, to provide safe space, and to help facilitate a meeting between our teenagers and with the God who created them and loves them more than they will ever know.
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